“stupid jesus” makes me mad!

Friday March 25th, 2011

Hey Scott,

You asked me the question this morning, “What’s got you all stirred up?”  And I thought to myself… what an excellent question.  It’s not that I was agitated and you wanted to know what was wrong with me, but rather a general question to the populace to water the seeds of change.

Change is something that, in general, annoys me.  Sure, I love to get a new hairstyle or move the furniture around in a room or change up the boring old routine by doing something fun and different, but I resist change when it arrives in the company of hard work.  Here are the reasons: (as a mother of two small children) I am always tired, and I am a creature of habit.  If something is not a habit in my life, I am flaky enough that it will probably be passed over or forgotten until some later time (e.g. – taking vitamins, turning off the oven, unplugging the wireless router when I’m done using the internet).

My brain, you see, resides in an alternate universe akin to Neverland where I fight figurative pirates and fly far overhead in search of adventure.  I need habits in order to survive here in reality and sometimes (contrary to popular belief – and, I suppose, proven fact) habits can be somewhat difficult for me to form.  It takes numerous repetition of forgetting things and kicking myself in the proverbial butt before they ever break through to the Neverland of my weird brain to become an unconcious habit.  So it takes a lot of work to form those habits, and if it’s not a habit, chances are I’ll forget to do it.  So when I finally get into a good groove with my habitual day to day, I am rather loath to change it b/c it, quite frankly, throws my whole life into chaos… and I usually end up letting people down.

Now, while change is sometimes a pain in my neck, it is in fact inevitable and, like you said, usually comes about because someone is all stirred up about something and affects change as a result.  So, afraid of what change it may bring about in my life right now, I will respond to your question.  “What’s got you all stirred up?”  The answer is watching a Beloved One here walk through a painful, messed-up, just-plain-wrong situation and watching her do it without the uplifting support of Christ because people around her have been a terrible reflection of Him… or a rather great reflection of “stupid him”.  It stirs me up when someone I love is left spiritually hanging over a cliff by people who are supposed to know real Jesus and end up showing off “stupid jesus”!  It pisses me off that people she loves and trusts have left her hanging over a false version of The Cornerstone.

…And then it really pisses me off that sin is sin and I am no different from them with regard to it!  I suppose the difference comes in the choices we make to build on that Cornerstone or just visit it once in a while.

So, to my Dear One I say, “hang in there and please-oh-please in moments like this look at Jesus and allow Him to define Himself” and to Jesus I say, “please-oh-please define me!… so that I reflect the real You and not ‘stupid you’…  And while you’re at it, a semblance of grace so I can change when you convict my heart might be good too.”

Thanks for the question, Scott.  Hope you are stirred up about something too!  What is it?

Trying to change to accomodate conviction,

The Epistolarian