On a quiet evening…

Wednesday March 9th, 2011

Dearest Sister of my Heart,

I sit down to write you this evening a weary and dazed mommy.  I haven’t really the time to do it.  There are cloth diapers to be prepped and folded, dinner to be thrown together, clothes to be sewn, messes to be picked up (to avoid providing a homey place for the neighboring scorpions), tomato plants to be watered, floors to be cleaned and (always) dishes to be done.  There are myriad “to do’s” to fill my evening… but I find it my nature to be a Mary, especially in a Martha world.  So I have chosen to momentarily forgo the duties necessary for putting my house in order and rather focus on the things necessary for putting my interior castle in order, and that, my Dearest, includes penning a letter to you for you have always been an outlet, a sounding board, and a fellow sojourner in the world.  And you know my heart better than many.

It’s an interesting state to be in, for I am as I always have been but find myself less than I ever was (?)… that is to say, it’s as if the Mansion that is my soul (to borrow an image from dear Theresa of Avila) is unchanged but I no longer traverse many of the halls and have allowed various rooms and floors to fall into disrepair.  I spend my time and energy in the family room right now… pretty much all of it.  I cannot say that I don’t enjoy it because it brings me joy daily.  I love my kiddos’ smiles and watching Baby Miss’s daily achievments as well as laughing and playing with my Little Man.  Hanging clothes and diapers gives me time for prayer as do the sinks full of dirty dishes… those two things alone keep me praying daily.  I miss, however, the depth and interest I have always found in the creative outlets at my disposal.  In the past, dance, photography, acting, writing, playing my guitar very poorly (primarily due to the fact that no one has ever taught me) have all spoken to my soul and in more recent years, gardining, sewing (really more of an ambition), stamping… I find myself longing to create something beautiful again.

So, I have decided to begin my sojourn back into the creative world by writing you.  I would like to make an effort this year to expand my borders, re-discover the fullness of who God created me to be, by responding to and tapping into my creative spirit and I thought you might like to be along for the ride… be a witness to my path.  I know that my spiritual life will be enlivened and I hope that my Sweetheart and kids lives will be enriched because I make the effort.  What do you think?  We have always written letters and I have always cherished them, so here is another and I hope it finds your heart well.

Give my love to your Dear One and please know how much I love you both.  I miss you so much sometimes and long for my dearest “sister” who knows me.  Live well and I will be in touch.

The Epistolarian