I am not Wonder Woman. I have come to terms with that.
I used to fancy myself a somewhat bohemian, off-norm, exceptional person. I secretly suspected I was capable of a great deal and had patience that was far-reaching.
I was wrong. Turns out, my daily patience is like a water balloon stretched to it’s limit from the time I get up, ready to pop from a simple blade of grass. Turns out, my measure of capability is fairly large but has a great deal of restrictions and conditions. Turns out, I am not very exceptional, am rather normal, and you would never guess to look at me that my inner landscape is somewhat bohemian.
It turns out that my self image from my youth has almost been completely demolished.
But here’s what I’ve discovered… I can take it. After the initial tearing down of the image (which has come in phases, waves of harsh and somewhat depressive stripping), I am left with the only things that I know to be true. That I am loved, I am forgiven, and I am capable of next to nothing of substance. I am weak and my strength is found elsewhere. The only thing that I can do to create a wave of resonance is a loving act of obedience. These are the things that have supplanted my imagined self-image.
I know that I do not serve myself.
I know that I rely upon another.
I know that I must forgive, that it is part of my DNA.
I know that I was not created to be impressive, but rather to love and be loved.
I also know that I will never cease to pursue that self-image of my youth (and I don’t think it is an inherently bad thing)… but my hope is, by going back daily to what I know, that the image of the youthful, bohemian, out-of-the-box, capable woman will become centered in who she was created to be and will actually become a living dynamic being, given breath by the mercies that are new every morning and the purpose they bring to her quotidian journey.
(… And her offspring will live to see another day.)
What do you know… that informs your daily life?