Each Time

I am afraid of so many things.

Always a creeping shadow that catches me up and finds me sitting in the sun.  Within a moment I am shivering and a lost little heart.  I fear disappointing others… I can handle my own quiet failure just fine.  It is my defense mechanism, a necessary one after 33 years of unadulterated failures in the small things of life… you have to have a merciful self-love or it would kill you to be me… so many silly flake-outs, so many “UGH!”s and sighs of frustration.  But the shadows are cast when my ridiculousness touches others and i let them down.  I suddenly am the cause of their suffering or discomfort or frustration… of their tears or sighs.  I fear letting down my husband, I fear letting down my Brothers and Sisters, and my greatest fear has been of letting down my children.  Let’s face it, it’s so easy to do.  One lapse of concentration and small failures come creeping like a thousand ants, each one insignificant but with power in numbers and a strength to carry me away.

Ultimately, I fear being carried away from those Dear Hearts.

And then I am reminded… in that gentle, “oh, Dear One”-ish, quiet voice… that perfect love casts out fear.  And I am brought back to who I am meant to be.

Just me, loved through fear, and found on the other side each time.


ImageLinking up with Lisa-Jo for Five Minute Friday, today to talk about ‘Afraid’.

6 thoughts on “Each Time

  1. Hi!
    Thanks for being honest in this post. I’m so thankful that we have freedom in Jesus, even freedom to be afraid, knowing that He holds us tight even when we feel like we’re flailing in the wind.

    Found you through Five Minute Friday. I love your blog format.

    Blessings to you!

    1. Hi Selena,
      Thanks for recognizing the honesty and not repeating to me what I “should” be feeling instead of fear. That makes me smile.

      I agree, slopping something out on a public forum goes against everything in me but it has proved to be revealing in the past… Good luck!

  2. I am so glad the gentle voice brings you back to who you meant to be. He doesn’t want up living in fear. He wants us living in His love. It’s wonderful to have a Father who reminds us when we need it.

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