I am afraid of so many things.
Always a creeping shadow that catches me up and finds me sitting in the sun. Within a moment I am shivering and a lost little heart. I fear disappointing others… I can handle my own quiet failure just fine. It is my defense mechanism, a necessary one after 33 years of unadulterated failures in the small things of life… you have to have a merciful self-love or it would kill you to be me… so many silly flake-outs, so many “UGH!”s and sighs of frustration. But the shadows are cast when my ridiculousness touches others and i let them down. I suddenly am the cause of their suffering or discomfort or frustration… of their tears or sighs. I fear letting down my husband, I fear letting down my Brothers and Sisters, and my greatest fear has been of letting down my children. Let’s face it, it’s so easy to do. One lapse of concentration and small failures come creeping like a thousand ants, each one insignificant but with power in numbers and a strength to carry me away.
Ultimately, I fear being carried away from those Dear Hearts.
And then I am reminded… in that gentle, “oh, Dear One”-ish, quiet voice… that perfect love casts out fear. And I am brought back to who I am meant to be.
Just me, loved through fear, and found on the other side each time.
Linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five Minute Friday, today to talk about ‘Afraid’.